why..

what is this feeling...angry?? unsatisfied?? shock?? sadness?? but why this happen...is it really happening?? or am i being sensitive...that is true and i hope is not...hope it end..never mind is good or bad...i won't be here anymore soon anyway...

think it as I'm running away..but is for everyone good...
is useless to repeat the same thing or words while no one understand their efforts..
then fine and let me be the one that run away..cause i can't take it anymore..

since when?? forgot...how many years?? lost count..i never see it as a big fact, and let it flow and i flow by it to..i let it become part of me...I'm not saying I've been drag by it...cause it didn't..or just i chose to be with it because of time...

huh...so stress...so frustrate and sad...is it wrong or illegal that a man or should say male, cry?? huh..i am weeping when writing this..

nothing to write..

well not nothing to write, even wrote a bit also consider wrote something...haha^^

anyway, i just wanna say that a bit stress this few days..haix...wtf
I'm looking for someone..wishing to know who are you...are you there??? can get your reply??
my msn, hotmail, and facebook, is the same addreass, jasonthien654@hotmail.com...

please feedback..I'll be online on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Sunday.
so...anyone wanna find me will be on these few days..thanks

i wish to be blindfolded for a while

hmm..can't found anything to wrote on blog today...zzzz tired

after stamina training today, i very happy to notice my stamina is good. but i realize that i train for nothing. to improve my health and myself?? to change myself?? to impress girl?? to prove myself?? to enjoy running?? to relax and release my stress?? it just ain't the reason or answer that i seek..for what am i running so hard?? i really getting my image blur...i will still running until i am tired..until I found my answer. haha^^ why does i sound like the movie 'FOREST GUMP' hahaa^^

finally my plan is getting to realize..after past these few days, decision have been made, then i can finally step out...hahaha^^

i wish to be blindfolded for a while...at least until August...to be blind and not to see what i don't want to. it only make me think a lot of stuff...

think to much think to much think to much SHU!! get out of my mind.

hmm...can i help?? or can someone help me??

i kind of lost lately..haix...being thinking too much again...what the f..

can i be the one that help you?? am i the one that can stand by you?? but is just ain't my part anymore on doing this kind of thing. i really do want to help when you in trouble, comfort you when you are sad...just to listen and try my best to understand on what you need...but am i over doing it?? i do really feel that i am being too annoying to you...is it only me that thinking too much again?? but if so just let me know...i am good at excepting facts...not good on guessing others feeling...if so...i just be never exist...go away to far far away..I'm tired...i don't know..but only i just want to help cause i care the most.

huh...where am i now?? i do to wish someone can hold my hand when I'm down..I have a tough body like a robot, that will never feel exhausted. but i still run with a heart and a brain...that's what makes me human...i still need caring too...i too needed a hug..

not every secret i can share..cause not everyone is the one that like to listen to me..i tried to talk out load, they say I'm noisy..i talk it to slow, somehow the topic will be change in a sudden...mine topic will be annoyed.....

anyone know how it's feel?? "I'm not alone, but I'm lonely"

what to do?? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

hmm, is it the temptation from Satan, or a patient test from God...
well....I'm not sure about that...haix...i need more focus right now....is not the time to me to do love busizz right now....
although i want it so...or just maybe i want to find someone to talk to and someone that can listen to me...hmm...i now really do not know what do i really need a girlfriend now...i am so blur and confuse. as everyday past, i have yet to learn on how to let my mind be free and not thinking of her..she had carved so much into my heart..i am really losing my mind...huh....

is not that easy to keep yourselves focus once you are in the outside world..there is just so many temptation out there waiting and patient have to be learn when you have once step out of your ring(home) i failed today but i will keep on going to have my dream fullfill!! i will not be easy but i will keep on going and push myself eevn harder....

huh..is still not that easy to keep yourselves positive the all time, the next day you might fall to the deepest gorge. is there anyway to not going too positive or too negative?? like staying nutral?? meditate??? om................................................................is just too iritate....haha^^

haix...anyway, i need to work hard now..i'm a machine!!! only need to recharge and refuel....never get tired!!!!! huh...but still very headache....haix

a new me!!!

love is patient, love is kind, love is slowly losing your mind^^
love is easy to get, but trust is hard to gain.
love is not gaining each other, but love is knowing each others well.
love is just so miracle, that every sacrifice can be make without a return.....romantic...haha feel like vomiting^^

to be honest, somehow is like love in first sight with you..haha^^ weird....anyway things happen a lot after that...and now you are with another guy..he's my best friend!! oh my Goodness to hear that how this kind of things happen to me, wow!!! such an experience, hmm, somehow God let me learn a lot of thing after knowing this particular girl...haha so in love in her that, not only she is pretty, but she is like a sparkle for my life, while I'm a coal that will never start my flame on it's own. She change my way of thinking and alter my path of life on how to be a better man, she is just somehow too important to me to loose..well not to take her away from my best friend but not to lose her as in an important person in my life. she had really put a flame in my life...i am so thankfull of knowing her...my life is finally changing!!!! yeehaaaaa!!!!!!!! so happy!!! no more sad and loser duyung!!!!

CAPTAIN DUYUNG IS FINALLY BACK!!!!!!!

is really envy on every time seeing them hugging together, but i had overcome it already!!! woohoo!!! God let me have this kinda taste and feeling to have me learn more, so that i won't repeat it to my friend, cause this feeling is really so damn hurt when it strike. so this won't repeat in my life!!! wakaka^^ if he ever hurt her maybe different things will happen lah, wakaka, can't guaranty..xixi^^

wow...is been so long i didn't listen to music, well not that I'm crazy, but the music that doesn't have lyrics, instrumental music, is called music...haha^^ jazz...my most favorite!! i was so crazy of you, did you know?? haha, a slight of emptiness and spaces in my brain and thoughts, you just show up in my thoughts, but after listening to the favorite music this afternoon, i have a much clearer mind that, i need to be someone's example that i am a burning flame that can keep someone warm!! i am taking paino class!!! for what?? to take jazz into everyone soul and to show everyone that is worth to enjoy life even when you fall!!! is only part of the life, let it be part of your memory and a lesson to you, to improve yourself and show someone that you are proud to fall down!!! because you can't get anything more once you are a winner, is like a seesaw, can you get higher when you are at the top of the seesaw?? seem...no. so my dream, learn too play jazz, open my own bar, have my piano inside, and playing jazz too everyone every night. or even record it my own plays and then bring it home and relax with a glass of wine and sitting beside my house big window on a high rise, starring down to the city, and beside me...which is my most beautiful and important person in my life....my girlfriend/ wife...not that i have it now, wakaka, S.A.S (single, available, and satisfied)

wahaha^^ my life is changing!!! this is the new me!!! im improving myself eveyday chasing my dream always, i've set my goal and target!!! i will get it!! i can see it!! i can feel it!! woooow!!!!!
hmm...am i being too sacarstic???wakaka^^

i need a break..

running down the beach with full breath!!! i stop my pace and saw the sunset...i want to shout it out load as i am really in a big stress now or what am i seeing trough my eyes now...i really wish that i am blind and never see it happen, but my curiosity keeps on wanting me to see it happen!!! i want to shout!! it makes me feel better!! but, after the shout, i feel sad again that to think of it how stupid my life had been...i now only want to do is just went to the sit down beside the coconut tree that can be found beside the beach...just relax my brain and watch the sunset fall..

my life have to go on, but this time i really need a hand right now..someone to pull me up this time. i wanna know how it is feel like to be pulled. i really tired and headache these few days, but somehow, pain doesn't really exist in me already as i have become numb with pain..

there's so many feeling i wanna pour out there's so many feeling i wanna say it out, but it ain't the right time yet...or maybe it should only kept it to myself only. i am only afraid of hurting my friends feeling, or maybe being scold just maybe they didn't see what i feel...i never even feel like i am being notice or acknowledge....is there anyone reading my blog??:'(

should i say or should i not..it still is a secret as i don't want it to spread so much yet..but i can only say my life will be starting at august and my privilege will start at September. and after that i will be a man! a man that can have successful life that will never gonna say i am no one to be unknown anymore!!!!!!!

huh...tired of wearing my mask..when can i take it down...it still a long time to reach august. pray Lord will continue hold my breath and support my leg to stand until that day come, then I'll be free and walk on my own.