secret...

where every secret lies, there's where the utmost truth is. human lies, but why? not bad lies, beautiful lies..but why, to get satisfaction of a moment, or just protect from what it will be going on next.

i lie....l lie about you. i lie and hide my feeling. might so that i can't bared the pain now that i'm having, to know that the fact that i already ended before i had my chance to begin. heart is torn, but hope is not gone, i can't read the future or predict what will happen next up, but i will wait and guard by your side without you noticing.

it is kinda sad to hear about the news, but i'm glad that you are now very happy.

wonder why she always went missing...hmmm.....is a bit lifeless in kuching an..huuh...now i ko whow it's feel like life without a car...is seriously damn sucks like hell!!! seeing all those chicks that we want been driven away by those guys with cars..hesh...damn it...especially foreigners!!! ppffffhhhhh get your own girl...don't grab our chinese girls away......there's not enough already man...hais....who to blame....don't know..hahaha, who ask me to be born in a moderate family.....no money buy or rent a car....(no offence k)

need to work man....to lifeless already....to sucks, but if i work, means that i will give up everything, u get what i mean?, mean no chicks to hang out, no night life, seldom entertainment, less communication with friends use to hang out with....argh....which to chose....especially when i work, i don't even have the chance to find her....aiyo........give a billion dollar!!!!!!!! everything will be perfect.....

erh...headache......my eyes is spinning...

staying cool....not personality cool, but just stay down for a while

hais...dunno what to do leh...really lost my confident d on chasing..hmmmm, well....it's nothing anyway, time will come till i get what i will get eventually.....just have to do what i do best and keep my life and happy as possible, but not kisiao that type of happy lah...

what's yours will be yours finally. it's really a big phrase .. took me sometime to understand such word...

ewrh......seriously dunno what am i crapping and dunno why i wana write this blog..hahhaha

dunno what to do lah........chasing a girls look like some high school kids will do..not to blabbered on what im saying but, somehow it just had become weirder and weirder if i keep on doing it. there's no point of chasing someone that see ur good, i mean, y don't give thx for those who see you nice and actually say that you are some how good in some certain something.

yes it is true that we need to work hard to get what we want. but this is not knowledge this is not money....is love, it relate and involve in 2 person, one work hard doesn't mean that the second will understand what you are trying to present to him/her. right

im out.

by duyung

awesome...is my 1st time...

wahahaha, due to exam I'm really going crazy man, is the 1st time i've done something like that, coffee till non-stop, 2 days strike of espresso, and it's a triple shot man!!! drank it around 9 o'clock, can stay awake until 4 am!!! omg......it's so strong..

hahaha, damn it 2ml afternoon 2pm had engineering maths exam, so screwed up by studying physic at 1st, but at least manage to find reinforcement friend which is really really damn good in both physic and engineering maths. (JPA student) phew....can let off some stress at least a bit..

back to the coffee..yesterday, which also mean this morning, i'd went to bed around 5 i guess, but roll around my bed until 6 o'clock. damn, can't sleep due to the coffee...hahaha( panda eyes emerging) then had to wake up at 8am to get ready for the general maths( lousy test, don't really is for what)

anyway, had a sandwich then go to exam, went to bank do some bank in( 1st time), went back to school study, but unfortunately that receive some shocking( because of my curiosity)(stupid), get emo the whole evening, even going to gym also can't do anything...

among study buy some kaya balls to hold my hunger, damn man, whole day no mood, loose appetite again....s***!!!!!

then, go to starbucks buy another cup of triple shot espresso and blueberry cheese cake...lol....hahaha

see, sandwich, 5 kaya balls, then coffee mocha triple shot full cream, blueberry cheese cake....what the hell...is like having puasa....and to be exact, i didn't even had a proper meal today!!! how cool is that.

and i think I'm gonna repeat the same thing again tomorrow....shit!! don't know what is happening to me...IU!!!

is call wondering, not emoing....

well.....another month more it'll be official to be single for 2 years...hmm....i really starting to wonder that how is it like to behaving a girl...sort of like forgotten the taste of it....

ok be 1st to say bout' this that, im not being emo or trying to get some pithiness...im just trying to share some of my feeling...

1st of all i have to congrats my 2 friend, that they had been excepted by their girlfriend and now being under relationship. God bless and Guard them under this status.

hmm....is it loving or to be love better?? is caring is some kind of pressure to someone? patient or to hurry up? courage or to humble?

there is to many competition out there, not that i have a very low self esteem, but is better to not compete...i really don't like it, i'd finally realize that, fate will come if they want to, there's no need to rush on it. trying to make yourself look good on something that is not yourself is self discriminating. you'll end up destroying yourself, piece by piece, and eventually forgot who you are before.

it is very miserable to live under such an emotional feeling everyday. is not really worth it if such hard work is given and no receive. well, not saying is bad, but good try anyway, at least you yourself had given a try for it, let past be past, new one won't come if you keep on staying on the same position.

one does not see your effort, but the others does. it's sort of like a karma.

hmmm...not sure what am i gonna do next on her. after final wont be able to see her cause can't even have the opportunity to be with her in the same class...cause i got exemption from MPW subject..XD

huuh...i think im gonna revealed who she is...well not here of course...XD

like a pig

hai everyone...so long didn't drop off here 'cause i really have no idea on what to write..hmm....

well...was recently really really busy because study and test and assignment coming on my head. not really on to the pressure but surely enough i really have to put much effort on my study instead of facing my laptop all the time...hais...i am such a lazy pig...

coming monday have a quiz on physic, but unfortunately that our physic lecturer haven't finish the syllabus. what a crap...cause final exam is so near under my butt....almost cannot breath..hmmm...engineering maths and physic are my 1st priority to be concern because i really didn't score good enough marks...hopefully that with God speed that i am able to get a credit to continue to next semester...if i really need to resit the subject...i am so dead. one sebject to resit the test cost like hell!!!

HUUH..now talk about personal life...ya ya ya...all those my friends over here have been asking me who is the girl that i like, why have to keep so secretly to myself....well...the reason that i can only say that i have learnt my lesson form the past. Not to say that i don't trust anyone but i just really really wanna keep a low enough profile, so the the news won't spread to much until spread to her ears....i've learnt that girl don't like boys that is to fast( or so i guess), but somehow i also have loose my guts to make a confession...just wanna take it slow...

actually she very cute...nice, funny..that's makes a lot of competition for me to other guys. im not that good, not much of a facial looking..belly fats jumping above my abdominal...haha..she's even smarter than i am...everyone know her actually, well not that everyone, just a lot of guys know her. Swinburne have a lots of handsome guys and cute boys...i'm like a single peanut underneath thousand and thousand of green beans.. not to say that myself being a very negative thinking or a sarcastic person...but seriously, what i have?? dance?? crap..muscle?? under development..brain?? only one year mature than she is..hmmm

so, exam is coming, i don't want her emotion to screwed up because of me, and also don't want myself to get hurt before the exam comes....i still wanna concentrate....

i was actually planing or at least have a luck of my try to get the same class as she doesduring the summer semester school, but somehow things went way out of my thought. Due to the result that i had done during my interior diploma, i had summited those result to Swinburne(MPW subject) i thought that the school of my previous study, their syllabus should be a total different level...but somehow i got and exiting news that i got an exemption for the MPW subject from Swinburne. Shocking enough that i was jumping on my bed so excitingly that i had receive the news, but and the mind that i suddenly thought of her, boom........all hope's gone, just vanish to thin air............(not hope, plan)

surely enough i don't know what to do...plus i had book the ticket before i get my invoice..damn....what kinda day is it.....luck?? fate??? so s***.

well...what to do, i have seriously no idea about it. going back KK for 5 month surely enough will make me even more lazy..i miss my home at KK i miss my family, at the same time I'm bored of it. Don't like to face my mom always see me as some kind of a bug or something inside her mind. yes i know she's considering me a lot, but it's just to over. I'm a fully adult now, i can handle thing on my own. please...keeping me under your protection wont help me grow ma....

i've decided to stay here during the semester break, i'll get myself a part time job instead of having it back at KK..cause i sure know that i'll go out and party more compare to work. i wanna do something. i hate being lazy, it feels like my body gonna rot or something. anyone know how that feel???

i'll make my after the final exam...what ever is the answer will it be, i'll ask her to wait and then give the answer to me only after when i come back from KK during the 22nd night. or so that the plan is....huuh...i really don't wanna put so many hope on it.

p.s..for friends at kk, Im really sorry that i have to make a decision, but i really need to get myself working even harder then ever...i've wasted a year time...i need to catch up..party time for me is temporary over....sorry...

a second chance

Ever figure why some people do not want to gave you a second chance? Or have you even try to give those people demands on second chance.

Is it just that hard to forgive someone, 'to forgot, must be forgive, and to forgive, must be forgot' these verse here ain't so hard to understand right? why should we crumble ourselves with those hatred and always have an eye of do not want to see that person appear in front of me. Won't it be Tiring?? I've been both side, by now, this is how i felt.

The one that hate, it feels like every time that person appear on my screen or meet him/er always just want to ignore that person a lot, just hate him/er, want close him/er screen while him/er appear on my screen, even tough i am not busy at all but i just set my status to busy, just to avoid him, those hatred that store inside me, always want to explode and tell him/er to stop finding me for a while and him/eris very annoying. him/er is not even have anything to relate to me, i want some silence and him/er just appear on my hand phone again, asking me what are you doing. is just so annoying don't you know that??!! I don't want you to call me!! i don't like to sms me...what happen if i said that to him/er??

This is one that wanted to be forgiven, it feels really really sad if him/er is not to reply my message, where it is, MSN, FB, EMAIL, just what ever way that I'm trying to reach you. Everyday thinking of how to redeem myself, what had i done wrong, is very sad, going to emo every single day trying to figure what exactly and happen. should i ask what happen, but after asking, should i be forgive, or another friendship will just end like that. is just only trying to be as friend as we use to talk a lot and gossiping around what ever those topic that is related or not.

Wont it be lovely to see each other and say hi again like usual and seeing each other face with a great smile hanging on their mouth. One is very upset, and another is very angry. why don't just end it and be friends again together? If one had done something wrong that pis you off and make you very angry, should be that person be given a second chance to rise, if that person only done that mistake the first time over you??

Is really frustrated to be think about actually, is the second time that i had not be given a second chance to be friend with some friends..a person that you had know for sometimes, is not called an acquaintance, is called FRIEND.

From a stranger to friend is a good thing, but from a friend to a stranger, is really bad. What I'm trying to said that, those demand on second chance, they really really really need it most, or else they will have those negative feelings within them for a long period of time. It is true. Tell them that they are forgiven is not enough if you still keep on ignoring until that person realize what him/er had done wrong to you. While you( those who bares hate to those people you don't like anymore) will just end up forgot them, abandon them, don't call them, and finally, doesn't even know who is this person is. And having happy life without giving a notice who is that person..

Ever time i prayed hard, just to get back to where it was suppose to be. But still getting that ignorance. Is easy to see, is not my fault, I've done what i should that you ask me to i believe. should you do your part? You say you are not ignoring me, but ask yourselves from deep down, yes you still i believe...is very obvious. I don't really care much now, I'm living my life very happy without thinking you anymore. in fact, I'm starting to pity you what would had happen if things like that happen to you, in the way that had happen between with us. Try switching our place...hope you'll know what it's feel like..God by your side Amen.