secret...

where every secret lies, there's where the utmost truth is. human lies, but why? not bad lies, beautiful lies..but why, to get satisfaction of a moment, or just protect from what it will be going on next.

i lie....l lie about you. i lie and hide my feeling. might so that i can't bared the pain now that i'm having, to know that the fact that i already ended before i had my chance to begin. heart is torn, but hope is not gone, i can't read the future or predict what will happen next up, but i will wait and guard by your side without you noticing.

it is kinda sad to hear about the news, but i'm glad that you are now very happy.

wonder why she always went missing...hmmm.....is a bit lifeless in kuching an..huuh...now i ko whow it's feel like life without a car...is seriously damn sucks like hell!!! seeing all those chicks that we want been driven away by those guys with cars..hesh...damn it...especially foreigners!!! ppffffhhhhh get your own girl...don't grab our chinese girls away......there's not enough already man...hais....who to blame....don't know..hahaha, who ask me to be born in a moderate family.....no money buy or rent a car....(no offence k)

need to work man....to lifeless already....to sucks, but if i work, means that i will give up everything, u get what i mean?, mean no chicks to hang out, no night life, seldom entertainment, less communication with friends use to hang out with....argh....which to chose....especially when i work, i don't even have the chance to find her....aiyo........give a billion dollar!!!!!!!! everything will be perfect.....

erh...headache......my eyes is spinning...

staying cool....not personality cool, but just stay down for a while

hais...dunno what to do leh...really lost my confident d on chasing..hmmmm, well....it's nothing anyway, time will come till i get what i will get eventually.....just have to do what i do best and keep my life and happy as possible, but not kisiao that type of happy lah...

what's yours will be yours finally. it's really a big phrase .. took me sometime to understand such word...

ewrh......seriously dunno what am i crapping and dunno why i wana write this blog..hahhaha

dunno what to do lah........chasing a girls look like some high school kids will do..not to blabbered on what im saying but, somehow it just had become weirder and weirder if i keep on doing it. there's no point of chasing someone that see ur good, i mean, y don't give thx for those who see you nice and actually say that you are some how good in some certain something.

yes it is true that we need to work hard to get what we want. but this is not knowledge this is not money....is love, it relate and involve in 2 person, one work hard doesn't mean that the second will understand what you are trying to present to him/her. right

im out.

by duyung

awesome...is my 1st time...

wahahaha, due to exam I'm really going crazy man, is the 1st time i've done something like that, coffee till non-stop, 2 days strike of espresso, and it's a triple shot man!!! drank it around 9 o'clock, can stay awake until 4 am!!! omg......it's so strong..

hahaha, damn it 2ml afternoon 2pm had engineering maths exam, so screwed up by studying physic at 1st, but at least manage to find reinforcement friend which is really really damn good in both physic and engineering maths. (JPA student) phew....can let off some stress at least a bit..

back to the coffee..yesterday, which also mean this morning, i'd went to bed around 5 i guess, but roll around my bed until 6 o'clock. damn, can't sleep due to the coffee...hahaha( panda eyes emerging) then had to wake up at 8am to get ready for the general maths( lousy test, don't really is for what)

anyway, had a sandwich then go to exam, went to bank do some bank in( 1st time), went back to school study, but unfortunately that receive some shocking( because of my curiosity)(stupid), get emo the whole evening, even going to gym also can't do anything...

among study buy some kaya balls to hold my hunger, damn man, whole day no mood, loose appetite again....s***!!!!!

then, go to starbucks buy another cup of triple shot espresso and blueberry cheese cake...lol....hahaha

see, sandwich, 5 kaya balls, then coffee mocha triple shot full cream, blueberry cheese cake....what the hell...is like having puasa....and to be exact, i didn't even had a proper meal today!!! how cool is that.

and i think I'm gonna repeat the same thing again tomorrow....shit!! don't know what is happening to me...IU!!!

is call wondering, not emoing....

well.....another month more it'll be official to be single for 2 years...hmm....i really starting to wonder that how is it like to behaving a girl...sort of like forgotten the taste of it....

ok be 1st to say bout' this that, im not being emo or trying to get some pithiness...im just trying to share some of my feeling...

1st of all i have to congrats my 2 friend, that they had been excepted by their girlfriend and now being under relationship. God bless and Guard them under this status.

hmm....is it loving or to be love better?? is caring is some kind of pressure to someone? patient or to hurry up? courage or to humble?

there is to many competition out there, not that i have a very low self esteem, but is better to not compete...i really don't like it, i'd finally realize that, fate will come if they want to, there's no need to rush on it. trying to make yourself look good on something that is not yourself is self discriminating. you'll end up destroying yourself, piece by piece, and eventually forgot who you are before.

it is very miserable to live under such an emotional feeling everyday. is not really worth it if such hard work is given and no receive. well, not saying is bad, but good try anyway, at least you yourself had given a try for it, let past be past, new one won't come if you keep on staying on the same position.

one does not see your effort, but the others does. it's sort of like a karma.

hmmm...not sure what am i gonna do next on her. after final wont be able to see her cause can't even have the opportunity to be with her in the same class...cause i got exemption from MPW subject..XD

huuh...i think im gonna revealed who she is...well not here of course...XD

like a pig

hai everyone...so long didn't drop off here 'cause i really have no idea on what to write..hmm....

well...was recently really really busy because study and test and assignment coming on my head. not really on to the pressure but surely enough i really have to put much effort on my study instead of facing my laptop all the time...hais...i am such a lazy pig...

coming monday have a quiz on physic, but unfortunately that our physic lecturer haven't finish the syllabus. what a crap...cause final exam is so near under my butt....almost cannot breath..hmmm...engineering maths and physic are my 1st priority to be concern because i really didn't score good enough marks...hopefully that with God speed that i am able to get a credit to continue to next semester...if i really need to resit the subject...i am so dead. one sebject to resit the test cost like hell!!!

HUUH..now talk about personal life...ya ya ya...all those my friends over here have been asking me who is the girl that i like, why have to keep so secretly to myself....well...the reason that i can only say that i have learnt my lesson form the past. Not to say that i don't trust anyone but i just really really wanna keep a low enough profile, so the the news won't spread to much until spread to her ears....i've learnt that girl don't like boys that is to fast( or so i guess), but somehow i also have loose my guts to make a confession...just wanna take it slow...

actually she very cute...nice, funny..that's makes a lot of competition for me to other guys. im not that good, not much of a facial looking..belly fats jumping above my abdominal...haha..she's even smarter than i am...everyone know her actually, well not that everyone, just a lot of guys know her. Swinburne have a lots of handsome guys and cute boys...i'm like a single peanut underneath thousand and thousand of green beans.. not to say that myself being a very negative thinking or a sarcastic person...but seriously, what i have?? dance?? crap..muscle?? under development..brain?? only one year mature than she is..hmmm

so, exam is coming, i don't want her emotion to screwed up because of me, and also don't want myself to get hurt before the exam comes....i still wanna concentrate....

i was actually planing or at least have a luck of my try to get the same class as she doesduring the summer semester school, but somehow things went way out of my thought. Due to the result that i had done during my interior diploma, i had summited those result to Swinburne(MPW subject) i thought that the school of my previous study, their syllabus should be a total different level...but somehow i got and exiting news that i got an exemption for the MPW subject from Swinburne. Shocking enough that i was jumping on my bed so excitingly that i had receive the news, but and the mind that i suddenly thought of her, boom........all hope's gone, just vanish to thin air............(not hope, plan)

surely enough i don't know what to do...plus i had book the ticket before i get my invoice..damn....what kinda day is it.....luck?? fate??? so s***.

well...what to do, i have seriously no idea about it. going back KK for 5 month surely enough will make me even more lazy..i miss my home at KK i miss my family, at the same time I'm bored of it. Don't like to face my mom always see me as some kind of a bug or something inside her mind. yes i know she's considering me a lot, but it's just to over. I'm a fully adult now, i can handle thing on my own. please...keeping me under your protection wont help me grow ma....

i've decided to stay here during the semester break, i'll get myself a part time job instead of having it back at KK..cause i sure know that i'll go out and party more compare to work. i wanna do something. i hate being lazy, it feels like my body gonna rot or something. anyone know how that feel???

i'll make my after the final exam...what ever is the answer will it be, i'll ask her to wait and then give the answer to me only after when i come back from KK during the 22nd night. or so that the plan is....huuh...i really don't wanna put so many hope on it.

p.s..for friends at kk, Im really sorry that i have to make a decision, but i really need to get myself working even harder then ever...i've wasted a year time...i need to catch up..party time for me is temporary over....sorry...

a second chance

Ever figure why some people do not want to gave you a second chance? Or have you even try to give those people demands on second chance.

Is it just that hard to forgive someone, 'to forgot, must be forgive, and to forgive, must be forgot' these verse here ain't so hard to understand right? why should we crumble ourselves with those hatred and always have an eye of do not want to see that person appear in front of me. Won't it be Tiring?? I've been both side, by now, this is how i felt.

The one that hate, it feels like every time that person appear on my screen or meet him/er always just want to ignore that person a lot, just hate him/er, want close him/er screen while him/er appear on my screen, even tough i am not busy at all but i just set my status to busy, just to avoid him, those hatred that store inside me, always want to explode and tell him/er to stop finding me for a while and him/eris very annoying. him/er is not even have anything to relate to me, i want some silence and him/er just appear on my hand phone again, asking me what are you doing. is just so annoying don't you know that??!! I don't want you to call me!! i don't like to sms me...what happen if i said that to him/er??

This is one that wanted to be forgiven, it feels really really sad if him/er is not to reply my message, where it is, MSN, FB, EMAIL, just what ever way that I'm trying to reach you. Everyday thinking of how to redeem myself, what had i done wrong, is very sad, going to emo every single day trying to figure what exactly and happen. should i ask what happen, but after asking, should i be forgive, or another friendship will just end like that. is just only trying to be as friend as we use to talk a lot and gossiping around what ever those topic that is related or not.

Wont it be lovely to see each other and say hi again like usual and seeing each other face with a great smile hanging on their mouth. One is very upset, and another is very angry. why don't just end it and be friends again together? If one had done something wrong that pis you off and make you very angry, should be that person be given a second chance to rise, if that person only done that mistake the first time over you??

Is really frustrated to be think about actually, is the second time that i had not be given a second chance to be friend with some friends..a person that you had know for sometimes, is not called an acquaintance, is called FRIEND.

From a stranger to friend is a good thing, but from a friend to a stranger, is really bad. What I'm trying to said that, those demand on second chance, they really really really need it most, or else they will have those negative feelings within them for a long period of time. It is true. Tell them that they are forgiven is not enough if you still keep on ignoring until that person realize what him/er had done wrong to you. While you( those who bares hate to those people you don't like anymore) will just end up forgot them, abandon them, don't call them, and finally, doesn't even know who is this person is. And having happy life without giving a notice who is that person..

Ever time i prayed hard, just to get back to where it was suppose to be. But still getting that ignorance. Is easy to see, is not my fault, I've done what i should that you ask me to i believe. should you do your part? You say you are not ignoring me, but ask yourselves from deep down, yes you still i believe...is very obvious. I don't really care much now, I'm living my life very happy without thinking you anymore. in fact, I'm starting to pity you what would had happen if things like that happen to you, in the way that had happen between with us. Try switching our place...hope you'll know what it's feel like..God by your side Amen.

haiyo....why it have to be like that....

hais...so damn lah, still always like thinking of you everyday...said your bz, so i don't disturb you, then when your status put available, still reply me short short...is that all that u can say to me after i confess to you...why just girls always give guys these kind of feeling of being ignored...damn lah

just say loh if u don't want to be my friend....never mind lo...then this friendship never exsist then but it's only for you, friend is everything for me..not sure you understand it or not..damn, he can go so near to you, why can't i do, it always give me this kind of envy feeling of that certain guy...always see u guys hang out together gives me a big damn...huuh...

u ain't treat me like that before this...can't you be more friendly? i mean, your mature enough to think, can't you act your age. by ginoring someone and saying that won't talk to me until i forget my love to you..huuh...ur an idiot, a sellfish idiot..

what the hell!!

huuh....(know the consequences of writing this blog, so face me if you feel offended, FACE TO FACE!!)

i need a rest...long rest

man....history always repeating itself over and over again. been there done that, altough is different scene different person involve, but the story will always be the same...'life is like a stage, everyone have their own stand'(william shakespear)..but notice that character change everytime, but the story keeps on repeating it's routine..

im really tired on being like this everytime...what so it is that i am emo, deep down in me that's who i am. but can or is there anyone that understand me? or why so i even doing this. k, all this have finally makes me very tired, scared, even losing my bravery to stand.

but, who to blame, the girl or me?? i have not done anything, do i?? does want to care for a person is bad?? isn't someone should recieve and give thanks to the person that gives the care? but somehow i always got the other way round. being ignore...what i hate the most....what so to do if you(can be nultiple) doesn't like me? am i that pist to you(am not angry by this point), why i've always been treated like that, can't we be just friend like usual and don't think about it? such weird that girls tends to did this to me all the time. what i've done actualy? is that im the one that is wrong??

try if this happen to you?? how will you feel then, bragging for your girlfriend then cry along each other and say i understand?? huuh...i really don't know what to write about this point.

i figure being down for that long time is not good, suddenly brust out from the flame like a new born, i go crazy and talk things like an idiot will do, chatting with old friend that is stupidly enough. running around like hyper, playing basketball much more furiously. but what next after such an adrenalin? an emptyness that is hard to fill back. like watching yourselves digging a hole that where you burried your tressure behind your backyard? deep enough to fill 20 mens, but is your backyard, you are gonna fill it back, right?

it's very cold you know? leaving it to be like that. the pain that exist, is hard to describe. crumbling, falling, fire, iced, sour, bitter. all those mix together...pain. fill with unpleasent of memories and exprience.

I'm really really tired this kind of feeling, i don't mind being rejected even from face to face, but just don't turn your back around and giving a horrible face..just don't keep on ignoring me...it's much more annoying than i am to annoy you.

huuh, never will give a guess that you will see and understand what am i saying. I'm sharing this because no matter who, should not treat someone cold. it's a lame story and i don't have much english skills to explain much detail, but trust me that i u want to that you wont regret after learning my mistake. you will know how this will feel if one day it hits you, it's really really cold and hurt.

shitting day!!!

damn what the fuck with today, to be exact is this few day!!! so damn shit man!!! fucking hell that stupid ass deconnexion with some bullshit conection, so shittingly pist!!! motherfucking asshole with pineapple!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

some stupid people jacking my line again until i cannot download my stuf!!!!! shit shit shit shit shit!!!! stupid swinwifi have those stupid proxy again!!!! so damn pist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!! can't calm down!!!! my freaking mind keep on thinking of someone again and s/he just pist me!!! so damn bull fucking chicken hole!!!!!!!!!!!1

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

feel my anger!!!!!!!!!

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huuh....T_T....help.....im suffering.. why can't i have a fluent day for once......:'(

hu hu...T_T

whao....thanks for my fans...i need it

o whao...didn't notice i still have some fans...well either good or bad coment that u guys gonna post, im really thank about that...

for real...im not those kinda of person that will make so much trust to others..i always make doubt's on how people tought about me, trying to know what are they think about me...so as i think of it, just better ignore on those feeling, and better keep myself stay happy and entertain people as much as i can.

well for as much as i know that sometimes make funny and cold jokes, i can't put a good joke if i'm saying in english..haha^^ anyway, i always try to make people have fun around me..i like it a lot, cause if i can't accomplish that, i'll satr to think of is that particular person, or those guys are thinking of i am very annoying...

i'm a person that need some attention sometime....okay is a lot...sorry. i do need some attention sometime, thats why i wrote this blog, well as to let people know who i am from here instead of saying out load.....ya im a freak...huuuh...i know that people opinion is different, some might thing is a good thing to express out, but most of them if after read, i believe is the other way round, please believe me cause is true. people that know me, or whoever that read this blog but doesn't know me much, they'll have a different eye aiming at me when they saw me the next time...well, just have to acept it, cause that human nature, you can't expect them to spend time ti understand who you are from the deep down and give compasion that you want, right?

well, what to say, that's the way God have created us, not all are perfect, infact, there's no one that is perfect enough then God. that's the way he work, that's what make this world so wonderful, don't you agree?? if all are perfect and no arguing on ideas, who's gonna improve our life. no competition, no improvement.

well...kinda boring week this week is. dunno what to do, just finish my test have a bad enough result...huuh, just have to study more these few weeks as phisic is coming on the 26. my GOD...

damn. im not sure on what is going with me, there's some mix feeling on me, but for real i had given up from the very first, i might be lying now as no one can see the truth. im not gonna say cause is a sin too me...maybe not now...wanna hint..(HERO)

people keep on saying, but the truth that i've change on what i want. able to guess?? i repeat, is not that im being unloyalty, but i had given up the first on the 1st place......understand what i mean?? im really sorry. i only want to have more warm. and i found it somewhere else.

can say and see the end result is bad and trust me, IT IS!!

well, all i can say that really sorry, but the fact that i had start to like you and it's been a while. you might have notice, but you still neglet it, or maybe, im not sure will u read or not my blog, but i make it official here, i do like you...

p.s im not ready to face the coment cause i know it's gonna be bad...but pls understand what do i feel before comenting. it does well in more explaning..i dun wanna coment who is she. i can only tell privately.

moody....

....dunno how to start...wanna use broken english 2day....
weird day, hearing that she need help on some adobe program, try so hard to find the program for her, din't sleep for that nite just to search that program, after that we meet on morning, outside sitting on the bench, haha:), sh elook so messy, wonder why she so rush, can see baby powder on her neck and some mooncake pieces on side of her lips...she so cute and funny, anyway, i have her laptop, help her install the photoshop...lol, then oni i know that she do have that program...but the problem is the key get expired...well, luckily eonugh i found the crack for her, just copy and paste...then is done, i dn really need to spend the whole day to without sleeping, just to help her download the whole adobe photoshop and illustrator...why i being so stupid and listen careful enough...or is that she din stated good enough?? better just put the blame on me...

well, at least now she can have her assigment done without buying the original cd which will cost around rm160 above, or maybe(not sure bout the price)...will she remember who help her??
hmmm, not sure.....memories will fade.

malaysia independence day is today(31 august), after that my fren b'day, which is the next day,(1 september), i 4got her b'day....omg how cruel am i...i promise i wont 4got her b'day anymore, hahaha. we chat along celebrating her b'day, although is only trough MSN, but at least we have a fun day talking about our feeling to each other....weird....i ply a lot of jokes even when i dn have mood...what's make me moody??? erh, how should i out it...for now, having a relationship or could say having a gf..is only a sad thing for me to think of it, been rejected so many time, only making me more and more losing my confident on chasing a gurl...lost all those heart, beside, i always happens to be making her angry or some, im not sure is it the way that she tok is like that, or just that she hate me or really think that im annoying...

well, wat so, even if so to be like that, can't u jz treat me as u treat other of your fren here, do u really that hate me...so many question....so many why..
jz wish to become much and much closer to u...but, my feelings tell me that i should give up on chasing u..the other way round that keep on teeling me not to give up is my Ego...what should i do?? so confuse.....

i dn like to change too many target, when i spot one, i'll keep on tracking it till it dissapear....i remember last time when i was young, thr this gurl i like, belive it or not, i like her for two whole years, without telling her, after she'd gone(stop studying) then i aimed for other target...same as to my exes..is either one of us dissapear, then my heart will let go.....huuh...wat the hell...

tired and confuse....sad and dissapoint...cry with a smile....heart broke, still act strong....huuh....maybe that's what the main key of being me, duyung!

damn...think too much.....sleep will heal me, and the sun will energies me..


HAPPY B'DAY SUXIN, MUAKS, BFF

hais....

am i desperate?? ya so....hais...dunno wat to rite..so damn fuck up...angry not because of others but myself, not because angry myself because angry of y im so confuse and blind sometime...

damn!!!!!!!!!! arh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! help me kill my feeling, any potion that can take these feeling away, make it gone........i'm so suffer, do anyone understand.

am i that bad, always being rejected, well doesn't really matter to me, but can __ at least be a friend, why it is just so damn. i just want some conversation, please ok...

so damn hate being ignore...


then fine..i'll work myself out, get myself even stronger!! not to be seen a useless guy, dunno anything, being said childish. i'll prove it to the world!!


so what, said im a worst person ever that trying to prove himself to the world that he is a great person, such a freak, i don't mind!! but do u(anyone) know who i am?? no!! THEN SHUT UP!!!!!!!!

can i do it this time??

huuh...is a frustation to think of it everyday...so what of like someone.....maybe being friends is the best solution....

i have somehow don't have that confident to say it out loud anymore...'i like you'.....
is really confussing that should i even try to have a move...is pain?? no, anger?? no...then?? i really don't know...

should i say it??? still having doubts

basketball..

somehow i use to hate basketball, not able to get a score, people don't want to pass it to me, damn, makes me have no more mood...
But as today, something really shit frustrated me so much, damn it man, i can't do jogging as i like coz weather don't let me too and the campus parameter is just too big and got many people.

then a flick of my mind suddenly says, ' play basketball' then i said why don't, since i've a ball from someone, then i just let off my steam with it..

well the point is that, don't let of your steam on someone or complain too much, it won't end up to have a good result anyway..so go for sport. Isn't it a good thing, i mean, u sweat, get rid of those toxic, and u gain an increase skill or abilty on playing bball or badminton or watever...it just something really nice be have sport. It keeps us healthy and have a happy mind too^^ as oxygen will fill in more to your brain cell...

well...not much too say..coz dn like to complain anymore, just have to fight for it

wah.....girls

when was the last time that I'm being surrounded by so many girls...haha^^ nto saying I'm those popular and handsome boys lah, just want to gosip around like girls do KEKE, but really it is kinda fun listening on those topik that they say, about boys, groceries stuff, handbags, make up..

weird right that I'm been able to join those girls, well don't envy if I'm friendly with those girls that you like, wakaka^^ just kidding. But, if guys, i mean boys, if you can't join those girls is never mind , cause i understand, those topiks is really really REALLY not for boys to listen, sometimes after hearing might feel weird, or if they(girls) are talking about those cute boys infront of you, you might will staring to doubt yoursleves and re-evaluate yourselves.

well, at least we still can learn and see what girls are acutualy thinking of.^^ kinda fun sometimes listening those girls gosiping...me also seems to be very 38^^ yea

p.s not saying that I'm gay, i do have girls that i like ady!!

memories will only be memories

Well, sure to say that everyone had their own memories, but do you ever feel like u remember every part of it?? there's such ways to remember those memory like, writing it down, or taking numerous number of photos..

these are some of the photos that what actually happen before when i was still at my hometown.

cool huuh, after i drunk, my head is just so heavy i can't lift it up!! wow, although i still can think but i jz can't have my head held up...from that day i know what's the feeling of being drunk. so cool, so fun, but really, i've trouble my friend...they help me out on going back home until place me on bed..i really sorry for troubleling them.

well, 1st drinking iss seroiusly not good for healt, and defitenaly will increase your belly size, and you will end up troubleling people around you and make those who cares about you worry.

i don't like to drink that much either..but all those pain that have been there for so long...only somes know who am I and my past..thank you, guys for being with me.

those are my memory..i have a great release that day...I will not let history repeat on myself anymore.

cute^^

owh.....how cute was that having sandwich together...I'm talking about a couple..sweet ngie..wish i had a camera and capture every sweet moment of people had, figuring on became a freelance photographer...wonder when is my turn, having sandwich or just two cups of hot noodle during night supper sitting on the bench, or watching on the moonlight on the wide sky, counting stars together..how sweet was that, hmmmm, sure hope it will happen....

what?! I'm still normal and i still want a girlfriend too, just haven't found it yet. but will I?? Saying that now I need full focus on my study..i wasted enough of my time, troubled my parents more then enough...but sometime when seeing those couple walking together, makes me wonder how those feeling are....well i admit i have ex before, but is only a short period of time. It's been two years since the last time i had a girlfriend., i miss those feeling ..those hugging, holding hands together..(at this point, I'm not feeling empty or sad nor lonely, but rather staring at the deem blue sky, wondering when will my time come) is a wonder you know??

the weather today, windy, black sky, but doesn't seems to be able to have a heavy rain...but cold.
I've been dump three times...and I only have three ex's before...loser am i??? haha^^

but i like how those story end, i never will forget them, as they have been most important people in my life...a friend once said, 'at least you are much better then I do, cause you have ex's before, that's make you capable of having a girlfriend, i too want a girlfriend, but i just didn't have the chance to proving myself capable.'

to think of that, he got a point, at least I had it before compare to those who wanted but didn't able to have..

but more and more now as time past through every bit by the second, days and month...i have already lose much of my confidence and starting to doubt myself. Kinda tired of these feeling, being rejected, and dump..but they make my life filled and let me grow much...

is it a bad thing to act like a child in front of people?? maybe that's who i am, saying myself mature? but you don't know much about me...maybe the point of maturity for everyone is different, but seldom can see what behind my face..i may look big and buff, well not tall, at least I'm still look tough, inside of me, so many glasses have been broken. I'm not asking anyone to learn from me or praise me from this point forward, but isn't it the best thing to do after something fail to pleased you is to keep a smile on your face?? that's why I've been look like an idiot or so called childish...not much can impress me anymore. I just want people to smile as i do even if i have to act so stupid.

erh....this blog i only want to share my feeling, not to say that I'm very "small gas" stingy if not wrong to be pronounce in English. :)

i don't dare to promise anymore..

huuh....(a sigh)...crazy...went to played basketball yesterday night at 8pm till 9.30pm, it's fun when u try to release yourselves when you are frustrated or stress, there always someone there u might meet to have a conversation with you...(thanks Anil) but then he abandon me and join the other team compete basketball...hais, left me alone being bullied by 2 beautiful chicks playing basketball together^^ wakaka^^ Vicky and Emily, haha^^ nice girl. anyway, i have i fun moment releasing myself during sport..want to know what am i frustrating about, but I'm not telling..haha:) secret...


Such weird,
'i don't dare to promise you anymore'
...familiar with this phrase?? I've never thought of hearing this phrase anymore, but it appear suddenly today from someone very cute, haha^^ the last time i heard this was during my high school period, ya, one of those youth story again, probably some have been trough this before..it was sad to hear it, but it get worst when things gone bad with this phrase. To be honest, is not good to break promise, unless is something urgent happened, then consider yourselves excluded...
I too break my promise sometime, everyone do it without notice, well I'm not saying that i mind it so much, please..seriously i don't..don't take it as i minded it too much...ok?? I'm ok with it..

hmm..just that somehow the story that i wrote on my life tablet, i craved it to hardly, that's maybe the reason somehow this memory have been flick on again....but i move on my life with it...it's part of my story, it too worth as my own personal experience. i grow more..again not promoting myself.

not sure on why i wrote this blog..haha^^ I'm done now

this song is juz so sexy....haha^^

When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothing else
He'll trade the world
For the good thing he's found
If she's bad he can't see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he put her down

When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Tryin' to hold on to what he needs
He'd give up all his comfort
Sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way it ought to be

Well, this man loves a woman
I gave you everything I had
Tryin' to hold on to your precious love
Baby, please don't treat me bad

When a man loves a woman
Down deep in his soul
She can bring him such misery
If she plays him for a fool
He's the last one to know
Lovin' eyes can't ever see

When a man loves a woman
He can do no wrong
He can never own some other girl
Yes when a man loves a woman
I know exactly how he feels
'Cause baby, baby, baby, you're my world

When a man loves a woman.....

hmmmm...something to write??

zzzzzz...so boring, nothing great happen...zzzzzzzzzzz
but someone read it, wakakaka, am i angry, or sad, dissapointed???
nope, i a happy. cause i know that finally something good is happening^^v

right??? or so?? hmmm...may God be the center and help us all.

my mind have been empty for today, but that's what i wanted for these few weeks...rest.

huhh....since when i relax so much....wake up at 10am...crawl my lazy leg and climb outta bed...gosh....i finally get a goodnight sleep after all those things that happen to me...what are those?? those are called stress......i've been running here and there, IEC to confirm my updates on SWINBURNE SARAWAK, thanks God that i finally got a direct entry without taking intence english class for another few weeks, that's mean i get an entry to their foundation(engineering and science)..after that i'll try my best on getting as much A's as posible to get scholarship to the degree(robotics and mechatronics/computer software) is a double degree...[may God help and bless me on my future]...

i regret on not able going to take the insurance licence that i wanted so badly...but it seems like is a no for me since i'll be flying to Kuching on August 5, but the exam is on the 10th...such regret, and so sorry that i've troubled that person so much...i've shock to heard that (hope my license will not be hanged) will that be true??/ can someone explaine to me what will happen next, please?? i done like guessing game and people hiding their problem that got concern about me...i might not be able to solve that problem eventualy but at least i get to know what is happening...only cause i care about you.....

the song is really what i wanted to presented to you...but done think as an aspect still in love with you and still wanted to chase you, but as a cheerful way to wake you up, ( others too may take this as a lesson too) i mean, the world is just so big, there is so many things can be done, and there is so many people out there that is care for you...i might not be the only one that care for you, there is some others that doesn't got the chance to be with you, but they chose to listen you when you needed them, they don't need any repay, they only wanna know how are you been doing lately...are you ok, how are you, can i hear of you...is just that simple...just curious....why don't give them a chance, why don't give yourself a chance, set yourself free...God destine our destiny, but we are the one who chose our road...is not always what we wanted, why think of others while you have no more chance to enjoy your life....you need to slow down girl, slow down. stop your pace and listen to the wind, enjoy your life on what you have now, complaine can be make, that's what make things perfect! but get satisfied on what we have, cause others out there is not that lucky as what we have....

working is like crazy for me as i need to have my own money in a good way of course..i can sometimes forgot myself when i work too hard, don't wanna eat just to finish the task...oh, by the way i work with my dad and as a mechanic, to gain exprience any way...i too get paid^^ but only a little, but i'm satisfied..well don't think wrong, i done get any special offer as other don't, cause i choose it...haha^^ it will be worthless if it works that way right??

hmm...am i not that trust worthy?? after all these years that we been together...you said you know me, but do you really do?? i get myself really upset when you said me like that, do you know?? nah...wont think of that you will..i don't wanna write more on this part, cause this will only tear us apart...i don't wish too cause i treat u as my brother, but i too wish you to see and learn more, so that you could change...so many criticism onwards you..you never knew, or do you care....punch me or kick me as you want, cause i wanted you so much..my brother...........

sumary, sadness in love, dissapointed in friends, working too hard, settle for school's, family arguement...anymore??? hmm...sounds little, but it meant a lot to me...i never got a good night sleep for 2 weeks more...

anyway, i really got a chance to relax myself, thanks to God..he plan me up today, slept for 10 hours, mom's go out, but i don't know, quietness in my home, waoh...such relax without any sound, but only jazz coming too my ear as i tune into astro, then i cook my own breakfast ft. lunch, wakaka^^ played my PS2 the whole afternoon, later the best part, going to likas jogging alone, i enjoy this the most, as no one accompany me, well, i don't think this is alone anyway, is fun cause i really enjoy jogging today only with my handphone with songs played, incrediblely enjoy...get myslef sweat a lot, i mean a lot, haha^^ almost dehydrated. the final 5th laps, i stop, park myslef on the green carpet, boom!!! i slept on it...gosh, the sun shining before me, lake in front of me, breeze on worm-cold blewd on my whole body, and the freshness of the grass...huh...almost felt a sleep...i get up, pat myslef, go on to yo-yo at damai, by some drink to treat myself as today is a good day^^ drive myself to the petrol station and pump the tyres, since my mom said something wrong with it...(she don't know how to check..she's lazy) wakakakak^^ continue, when back home as no car is following behind me!! wow!! like i owned the road, so fun!! ate dinner, watch tv, and now writing this blog...slow day?? is enjoyable........

see, the world will not slow down for us and let us do what we want, we are the one that create these kinds of opportunity to let ourselves relax..clocks will keeps on ticking. choose a day, let God give you an offer of a day, sleep to your desire, and follow the flow and do things that you haven't been enjoyed for a long time..and there goes another day...that what life about. it doesn't have to concern about another people or parties, why don't just you and your car, drive along the road and see how others busy on their life, while you yourselves will laugh at them( so stupid to be a busy day for them)... i repeat, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO COCERN ABOUT ANOTHER PEOPLE, JUST HAVE YOURSELVES ALONE FOR A DAY!! you found out that the world is amazing and beautiful even in the worst situation is happening.....

hmm...how about i gave u this song ya miss k??

"I Wanna Know"
sang by joe


Yeah, oh yeah
Alright, oh, oh, oh

It's amazing how you knock me off my feet, hmm
Everytime you come around me I get weak, oh yeah
Nobody ever made me feel this way, oh
You kiss my lips and then you take my breath away
So I wanna know

[1] - I wanna know what turns you on
So I can be all that and more
I'd like to know what makes you cry
So I can be the one who always makes you smile

Girl he never understood what you were worth, hmm no
And he never took the time to make it work
(You deserve more loving, girl)
Baby I'm the kind of man who shows concern, yes I do, oh
Anyway that I can please you let me learn
So I wanna know

[Repeat 1]

[2] - Tell me what I gotta do to please you
Baby anything you say I'll do
Cause I only wanna make you happy
From the bottom of my heart, it's true

[Repeat 2]

I wish that I could take a journey through your mind, alright
And find emotions that you always try to hide babe, oh
I do believe that there's a love you wanna share, oh, oh
I'll take good care of you lady, have no fear, oh
So I wanna know

[Repeat 1]

[Repeat 2 (2x)]

[Repeat 1 till end]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOuq-DuHOjU

this song is my favourite...is just like my life

Pieces Lyrics
Artist(Band):Sum 41



I tried to be perfect,
But nothing was worth it,
I don’t believe it makes me real.
I thought it’d be easy,
But no one believes me,
I meant all the things I said.

If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.

This place is so empty,
My thoughts are so tempting,
I don’t know how it got so bad.
Sometimes it’s so crazy,
that nothing can save me,
But it’s the only thing that I have.

If you believe it's in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I'm better off on my own.

On my own...

I tried to be perfect,
It just wasn't worth it,
Nothing could ever be so wrong.
It’s hard to believe me,
It never gets easy,
I guess I knew that all along.

If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.

this lyrics is meaning ful to me

良药苦口
richie ren

或许你没说或许你没说
可是我感觉到你的不同
在你的眼神那一股闪烁
代表你已做了选择
其实你没说 你可以远走
感情事谁都不能去强求
咖啡也淡了 还可以加浓
你走了却不会回头

我告诉自己别难过 我告诉自己别冲动
男子汉大丈夫 这一点点挫折
再苦再疼也要能忍受
我告诉自己要看破 我告诉自己要挣脱
握紧的双手 慢慢地放松
声线被你装进了喉咙 良药苦口

你要的自由 我学着尊重
面色和脸色 统统带走
心事不能 请续杯酒
发的誓言会过期的

我告诉自己别难过 我告诉自己别冲动
男子汉大丈夫 这一点点挫折
再苦再疼也要能忍受
我告诉自己要看破 我告诉自己要挣脱
握紧的双手 慢慢地放松
声线被你装进了喉咙

亲爱的 别告诉我
他究竟对你有多么温柔 亲爱的
你别怪我 只要你懂 我真的很快乐
我告诉自己要看破 我告诉自己要挣脱
男子汉大丈夫 这一点点挫折
再苦再疼也要能忍受

我告诉自己要看破 我告诉自己要挣脱
握紧的双手 慢慢地放松
声线被你装进了喉咙 良药苦口
声线被你装进了喉咙 是良药苦口

why..

what is this feeling...angry?? unsatisfied?? shock?? sadness?? but why this happen...is it really happening?? or am i being sensitive...that is true and i hope is not...hope it end..never mind is good or bad...i won't be here anymore soon anyway...

think it as I'm running away..but is for everyone good...
is useless to repeat the same thing or words while no one understand their efforts..
then fine and let me be the one that run away..cause i can't take it anymore..

since when?? forgot...how many years?? lost count..i never see it as a big fact, and let it flow and i flow by it to..i let it become part of me...I'm not saying I've been drag by it...cause it didn't..or just i chose to be with it because of time...

huh...so stress...so frustrate and sad...is it wrong or illegal that a man or should say male, cry?? huh..i am weeping when writing this..

nothing to write..

well not nothing to write, even wrote a bit also consider wrote something...haha^^

anyway, i just wanna say that a bit stress this few days..haix...wtf
I'm looking for someone..wishing to know who are you...are you there??? can get your reply??
my msn, hotmail, and facebook, is the same addreass, jasonthien654@hotmail.com...

please feedback..I'll be online on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Sunday.
so...anyone wanna find me will be on these few days..thanks

i wish to be blindfolded for a while

hmm..can't found anything to wrote on blog today...zzzz tired

after stamina training today, i very happy to notice my stamina is good. but i realize that i train for nothing. to improve my health and myself?? to change myself?? to impress girl?? to prove myself?? to enjoy running?? to relax and release my stress?? it just ain't the reason or answer that i seek..for what am i running so hard?? i really getting my image blur...i will still running until i am tired..until I found my answer. haha^^ why does i sound like the movie 'FOREST GUMP' hahaa^^

finally my plan is getting to realize..after past these few days, decision have been made, then i can finally step out...hahaha^^

i wish to be blindfolded for a while...at least until August...to be blind and not to see what i don't want to. it only make me think a lot of stuff...

think to much think to much think to much SHU!! get out of my mind.

hmm...can i help?? or can someone help me??

i kind of lost lately..haix...being thinking too much again...what the f..

can i be the one that help you?? am i the one that can stand by you?? but is just ain't my part anymore on doing this kind of thing. i really do want to help when you in trouble, comfort you when you are sad...just to listen and try my best to understand on what you need...but am i over doing it?? i do really feel that i am being too annoying to you...is it only me that thinking too much again?? but if so just let me know...i am good at excepting facts...not good on guessing others feeling...if so...i just be never exist...go away to far far away..I'm tired...i don't know..but only i just want to help cause i care the most.

huh...where am i now?? i do to wish someone can hold my hand when I'm down..I have a tough body like a robot, that will never feel exhausted. but i still run with a heart and a brain...that's what makes me human...i still need caring too...i too needed a hug..

not every secret i can share..cause not everyone is the one that like to listen to me..i tried to talk out load, they say I'm noisy..i talk it to slow, somehow the topic will be change in a sudden...mine topic will be annoyed.....

anyone know how it's feel?? "I'm not alone, but I'm lonely"

what to do?? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

hmm, is it the temptation from Satan, or a patient test from God...
well....I'm not sure about that...haix...i need more focus right now....is not the time to me to do love busizz right now....
although i want it so...or just maybe i want to find someone to talk to and someone that can listen to me...hmm...i now really do not know what do i really need a girlfriend now...i am so blur and confuse. as everyday past, i have yet to learn on how to let my mind be free and not thinking of her..she had carved so much into my heart..i am really losing my mind...huh....

is not that easy to keep yourselves focus once you are in the outside world..there is just so many temptation out there waiting and patient have to be learn when you have once step out of your ring(home) i failed today but i will keep on going to have my dream fullfill!! i will not be easy but i will keep on going and push myself eevn harder....

huh..is still not that easy to keep yourselves positive the all time, the next day you might fall to the deepest gorge. is there anyway to not going too positive or too negative?? like staying nutral?? meditate??? om................................................................is just too iritate....haha^^

haix...anyway, i need to work hard now..i'm a machine!!! only need to recharge and refuel....never get tired!!!!! huh...but still very headache....haix

a new me!!!

love is patient, love is kind, love is slowly losing your mind^^
love is easy to get, but trust is hard to gain.
love is not gaining each other, but love is knowing each others well.
love is just so miracle, that every sacrifice can be make without a return.....romantic...haha feel like vomiting^^

to be honest, somehow is like love in first sight with you..haha^^ weird....anyway things happen a lot after that...and now you are with another guy..he's my best friend!! oh my Goodness to hear that how this kind of things happen to me, wow!!! such an experience, hmm, somehow God let me learn a lot of thing after knowing this particular girl...haha so in love in her that, not only she is pretty, but she is like a sparkle for my life, while I'm a coal that will never start my flame on it's own. She change my way of thinking and alter my path of life on how to be a better man, she is just somehow too important to me to loose..well not to take her away from my best friend but not to lose her as in an important person in my life. she had really put a flame in my life...i am so thankfull of knowing her...my life is finally changing!!!! yeehaaaaa!!!!!!!! so happy!!! no more sad and loser duyung!!!!

CAPTAIN DUYUNG IS FINALLY BACK!!!!!!!

is really envy on every time seeing them hugging together, but i had overcome it already!!! woohoo!!! God let me have this kinda taste and feeling to have me learn more, so that i won't repeat it to my friend, cause this feeling is really so damn hurt when it strike. so this won't repeat in my life!!! wakaka^^ if he ever hurt her maybe different things will happen lah, wakaka, can't guaranty..xixi^^

wow...is been so long i didn't listen to music, well not that I'm crazy, but the music that doesn't have lyrics, instrumental music, is called music...haha^^ jazz...my most favorite!! i was so crazy of you, did you know?? haha, a slight of emptiness and spaces in my brain and thoughts, you just show up in my thoughts, but after listening to the favorite music this afternoon, i have a much clearer mind that, i need to be someone's example that i am a burning flame that can keep someone warm!! i am taking paino class!!! for what?? to take jazz into everyone soul and to show everyone that is worth to enjoy life even when you fall!!! is only part of the life, let it be part of your memory and a lesson to you, to improve yourself and show someone that you are proud to fall down!!! because you can't get anything more once you are a winner, is like a seesaw, can you get higher when you are at the top of the seesaw?? seem...no. so my dream, learn too play jazz, open my own bar, have my piano inside, and playing jazz too everyone every night. or even record it my own plays and then bring it home and relax with a glass of wine and sitting beside my house big window on a high rise, starring down to the city, and beside me...which is my most beautiful and important person in my life....my girlfriend/ wife...not that i have it now, wakaka, S.A.S (single, available, and satisfied)

wahaha^^ my life is changing!!! this is the new me!!! im improving myself eveyday chasing my dream always, i've set my goal and target!!! i will get it!! i can see it!! i can feel it!! woooow!!!!!
hmm...am i being too sacarstic???wakaka^^

i need a break..

running down the beach with full breath!!! i stop my pace and saw the sunset...i want to shout it out load as i am really in a big stress now or what am i seeing trough my eyes now...i really wish that i am blind and never see it happen, but my curiosity keeps on wanting me to see it happen!!! i want to shout!! it makes me feel better!! but, after the shout, i feel sad again that to think of it how stupid my life had been...i now only want to do is just went to the sit down beside the coconut tree that can be found beside the beach...just relax my brain and watch the sunset fall..

my life have to go on, but this time i really need a hand right now..someone to pull me up this time. i wanna know how it is feel like to be pulled. i really tired and headache these few days, but somehow, pain doesn't really exist in me already as i have become numb with pain..

there's so many feeling i wanna pour out there's so many feeling i wanna say it out, but it ain't the right time yet...or maybe it should only kept it to myself only. i am only afraid of hurting my friends feeling, or maybe being scold just maybe they didn't see what i feel...i never even feel like i am being notice or acknowledge....is there anyone reading my blog??:'(

should i say or should i not..it still is a secret as i don't want it to spread so much yet..but i can only say my life will be starting at august and my privilege will start at September. and after that i will be a man! a man that can have successful life that will never gonna say i am no one to be unknown anymore!!!!!!!

huh...tired of wearing my mask..when can i take it down...it still a long time to reach august. pray Lord will continue hold my breath and support my leg to stand until that day come, then I'll be free and walk on my own.

hm....let past be past...i am under healing sesion

hmmm....somehow is in their own nature...boys, will always be boys...(always like a kid)
boys only will think of their own benifits..never will taughts of what other (means their love one). they always think that 'i am the perfect man, be with me and i will take care of you forever' but then the next thing you can see that is their wife that is still cooking to their husband, haha^^ right or not ladys?? hmm, why leh?? is it because when human is in preamature state(eariy state of the earth when 1st human exist), man's the only one that hunt outside for food for their family, while woman can only take care of their children and cook for the family?? hmmm...might be so until man think of themselves so proud because " i have killed a lion!!! i am the strongest!!" strong, doesn't mean anything of will have a good and understanding with the one you love...(having muscle doesn't mean you are smart)

slow down yourselves....see what others wanted, force won't make things change and become better, it might stay at there if you are luckly enough but mostly fail and even lose sight of it. comunication and extra hard of effort to have a much better hapiness and understanding. don't wait until mistake then just to know how to change.

hmmm...i am sharing this because i did it once, chances always apear, is just that we always missed the best oportunity.
.......................................................
.......................................................
there has been silence in me for a while...i've learn so much lately....been depress for so long yesterday...so down...
i finally realize that hate, anger, jelouse and ENVY, versus two eyes of foever love and hapiness, will only create more sadness in me...haha^^ my mind have been so tired lately..haix...
i've saw thing in my dream that thing will happen, at 1st i taught it was a false. but after that day being a 'light bulp' i realize that that dream is merely a warning from God, that he wanted me to stay away from them for a while..but, i happen in front of my eyes, but my reflex seems so slow and i can't see things cleary. i taught that is how it is that way that they both are..but, after uncovering the truth...it had became a nightmare for me after that day..
i can't stop remembering how they stare at each other that time...just so lovely...
why am i being so stupid that i din't realize it is happening and let myself hurt so much...why??

i've being silence once more.....

calm yourselves duyung...maybe the only way to treat yourselves is to torment yourselves trough phisical damage...is what you do best..then let time heal you...let past be past, we grow from it to for today to have better future....don't let memory haunt u down. be strong duyung!

this is short

ya i love her...but is all over now,
i realize that i love her too much, until givin' up so many,
love someone doesn't need to have them
only seeing them from far that they are happy, it'll be fine.
love someone need to make them as happy as possible,
even the step that need to break apart or letting go is, is the only way that can make them happy, then just let them go. even this choice sucks...u will get more when you saw them happy by leaving you either...

i am blessing those who are together, am praying those who just had lost.

i am now part of the past!

Over My Head (Cable Car) :
I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

And everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows
She's on your mind
Everyone knows I'm in over my head
I'm in over my head
I'm in over...

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

haix...suan le bah take good care of her!

what is it to do?? what can i do?? hmm..sorry, looks like i can't do anything already, decision had been make...really so sad and hurt tonight..it just like the feeling of despair...so deep under the ground that no chance of climbing back..
i can't do anything more, need to get myself away for a while, coz the only way to forget my love to her, is to only getting, she is with someone better. i trust him. although want to kick his ass tonight, haha^^
haix...suan le bah duyung, she is with a better person that can make her feel better and comfortable, i'm just a slut to her...anyone know how much i love her...hmmmm, depends also...i really really love her, want to take care of her, help her, but, only more and more misuderstanding apear. she is just so beautiful...can anyone see??? yes..he has finaly see it...haha^^well ok lah, i really really do trust that guy. haha^^

well...love exist in so many ways, this time is to let go, but i will not give up!! haha, get what i mean?? even until the day she is not married, i will still want to love her, wahahaa...i never knew she would be the one that effect my mind so hard, so many. until everyday cannot sleep! cool, even my previous din't have it like that before..im just too serious already this time...way, way too serious...hmm, hope her feeling is not disturbed after i wrote this blog...tell me if u do.

haix...let go lah duyung
i might need some time this time..no, is a lot!! halve year to forget?? walau....so love her eh...
let go let go!!! u can do it....hmmm, how about torchering myself trough work so hard until no more breath?? hmm....then need to work 17 hours already...wahahaha, working machine non-stop!!!!wow!!! cool....yes!! i'm running away!!! so what!!! say me coward or pussy, but is the only way to stop my own time on thinking too much...

haix...felt like wanna drunk myself tonight, just feeling so sad...down..cold..alone..no more hope...uak!!! disgusting!!!!! suan le bah!! just cry hard hard tonight then tomorrow morning will be ok soon. hope so lah.....really so fucking bitch full shit damn loadedly sad!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna go drink beer...
need to get up soon...something big is coming into my life soon...wahaha^^v i am going to be dissapearing soon!!!!! wahaha^^ wish me luck!!
take good care of her!!! even the slightest hurt u give to her, i will hit you with my hammer that is 12kg in weight and blow ur head off with my modified air gun that is directly connected to 280 psi(maximum 300 psi) air compresser!!! jaga kau!! wahahaha^^ im serius
haha^^ almost forgot to bless u both...May God put your hands together to have a better future^^v

If You're Not The One Lyrics Artist(Band):Daniel Bedingfield

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this **much** is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?



haha^^ yup guess what, right, u guys know who am i saying wee~~~
she is really so beautiful no matter what, hmmm, there is another song
Akon-beautiful
really so like you!!! wahahahaha, i don't think that will change...hmm there is a but, but what, wanna now?? im not telling, i will tell soon, it got related to the blog i wrote today, so wait lah. haha^^

sitting down and catching my breath

i was jogging with friend..walking down the path...somehow...i'm feeling lost..there's not enough reason for me to run...i sat down, i rest my feet, i waiting my friend...holding my legs..my breath is coming back...my brain becoming much fresh, then the sunset comes in front of my eyes..so beautiful..so calm..so slow the time had become, wish time can stop at that moment, just to let me have that view for a while more, it let me notice that, there are so many things to be explore in this tiny world of yours, i need to step up and step up!!!
huhh...i've maybe just lack of sleep these few days..thats what make me feel different..hmmm....not sure about that. That sunset, had let me think things more cleary, that i need to go on, no matter what happen, i trip so many times why i can't climb up on my on this time, it doesn't seems to be me, stand up duyung! u need to!! keep on going, u can do more!!

Things had become more cleary these few days as i am working with my dad, my mind is coming back!! theres things to be done these few day it might buzy me for a while, cause it just need to be settle. My family had become more stable, or should be..but still i can't tell until after tomorrow or more..i get to decide soon..it's big. Too important.

i've wasted a lot of time, done so many worst decision..is time to chose right this time...i need 2 and a half year more, when i am back, i'll be sucess, i seeing my future me now!! nothing should be able to disturb me!! go away demon!! go away satan!! u are able to temptate me once but no more, i can stand still!! i have my friend here by me!! JESUS!!! (and of course my real life friend lah) go away, i am standing now!! waking up from those dreams!! go!! go!!! GO!!!!!!!

i am sorry if i ever disturb anyone's feeling in my life, but is u guys that had make my life, is a good thing, i appreciate it, thanks!!
(more details will be reveild after these few days)

hmm...work!

huh...seems like i also got some misunderstanding, sorry.....

anyway...that's not what i wanna talk today, what do talk love if you don't have money, as u can't even take care of yourselves, have to use parents money to treat your girlfriend boyfriend, why don't u just give them to your parent to raise them??? is the same thing..right? so, if you really wanna have a bf/gf, work and start saving money by using your effort!! GO WORK!!

hmmm...sound sarcastic...but is the truth, instead of using ur own money.

hmmm...i'm praying...can't say what...but...hope everyone else is good in every expect. (she will be find soon)

you never know if you dn ask...miseunderstand can only be solve by comunication...don't judge people before u get to know them..even if you know them, they might had change before u had notice again...so, comunicate more......cause every human change because of someone...and live for someone...if not...it'll be over....LIVE FOR SOMEONE, DON'T DIE RECKLESSLY!!!!

hmm..love's??

lets see now...i'm worrying a friend right now...haha^^ haixT_T...hope she's will be ok and not to over doing it again..pray she will be okay...and will let me know..

hmmm...i'm learning what is love...haha, love is what...for me, two kinds...but i'm talking about the love that create between a coulple today...not family and friends kind of love...
love...can be so blind, can be so cruel, can be so suffer, can be so romanctic...love doesn't have secret between their lovers but only constant sharing between each other, just to create much more understanding on what each others need, doesn't act selfish just to protect someone her/his feeling and hide it from each others, and sharing is to do between them, to help solve the problem, doesn't appear to be together because of pitying, but somehow is on heart just to hug each other to bring more corage to slove that problem, doesn't happen because of sex and beauty of the person cause one will lose it all when they age, but is to execpting what happen on the past, present and future..

hmmm, seems a lot horh, but there is still more i think..i still have to learn...that all i understand what love is...but for me...it still isn't enough...haha^^

huh...somehow..i don't have motivation on doing my stuff nw..being a workaholis, for what, to forgot? to earn money? to earn knowledge? hmmmm...blank...i really don't know...somehow i can see my life, doing something for something, but just don't know what is that....

din't sleep well ady for a week more...hmm lost count...hmmmm...somehow maybe is thinking of her...haix...headache....

go ahead and laugh...haha^^

hmmm...haha...i really sound disgusting eh...haha, din really thought that i would write such gross word that day...haha..eui...

haha, mind about lah...i'm fine of being laugh anyway....check my status before i got a chance to become a clown..weee~~~~ can bring people to the croud..haha^^ my specialty...
is not that easy to be a clown oso d leh....have to tahan yourselves on excepting the fact that your gonna be doing stupid act and people laugh at your foolishness..haha^^ but it seems fine with me..haha^^
hmm...think is i wrote that feeling down...as to make u guys feel disgusting for a while lah...haha^^ i really don't mind..wee~~

huh...well practicly i have girlfriend before...but it doesn't seems realy to me....wanna know the reason, wakaka...im not gonna write here...find me at my msn lah (jasonthien654@hotmail.com)

laugh is good for health!!

hmmm...somehow i'm getting back to my old me!

haiya....faint....so much thing to do in this world..yet so little time...love is important..but somehow i'm changing my direction...to admit i am really desperate in girlfriend...but somehow thinking back...is not really that kinda important to me for now...is time for me do things double!!!
helping out my dad at his workshop! can't realy do anything to help coz i know nothing much on fixing car...but at least i can spend much time with him...wee~~i love my dad..on the other hand, i'm training my body fittness to the top form!! oyea...nothing better than a good old sweat and to release yourselves trough it...hmmm..but somehow always been misunderstood that when i am training, i feel like punching people...hey...no lah....i am like that...just saving energy mah...less talk doesn't mean i am very angry and need to release myself...just feel tired after training also, need time to calm myself...haha^^v

anyway...i seems to inherited some of my father acts, without conincedencely...haha, friendly, sporting, workaholic, and flirty...muahaha, i din really know it until recently work with my dad...wee~~~he just so funny adn cute...realy love my dad...buahaha^^

hmmm...talking about workaholic...why some people choose to be like that...can't they stop?? won't they even't stop for a while? they work so hard for what?? here's some of the reason that i figure it out...
1) for their family, cause need to support them on studying and daily expences...
2) getting rid of others non important feelings such as hate, love, unsettled feelings( u know what
i meant)

parents work so hard just to gain some money, to raise their child well enough, giving them a good education which they don't have the chance before, until they don't have enough time to eat well..but some became workaholic just to forgot something which they don't like to remember. old memories, hatred to another cause they want to forgive them or just think as never happen before, stupid memories that will only cause nightmare all the time..frustation which just had been scold by their upper level....or just to release some steam without disturbing the others feeling..
i can't really say that will be agree by others cause is only my feeling on becoming a workaholic, and seing things through my fathers eyes...any coment can write to me...