is call wondering, not emoing....

well.....another month more it'll be official to be single for 2 years...hmm....i really starting to wonder that how is it like to behaving a girl...sort of like forgotten the taste of it....

ok be 1st to say bout' this that, im not being emo or trying to get some pithiness...im just trying to share some of my feeling...

1st of all i have to congrats my 2 friend, that they had been excepted by their girlfriend and now being under relationship. God bless and Guard them under this status.

hmm....is it loving or to be love better?? is caring is some kind of pressure to someone? patient or to hurry up? courage or to humble?

there is to many competition out there, not that i have a very low self esteem, but is better to not compete...i really don't like it, i'd finally realize that, fate will come if they want to, there's no need to rush on it. trying to make yourself look good on something that is not yourself is self discriminating. you'll end up destroying yourself, piece by piece, and eventually forgot who you are before.

it is very miserable to live under such an emotional feeling everyday. is not really worth it if such hard work is given and no receive. well, not saying is bad, but good try anyway, at least you yourself had given a try for it, let past be past, new one won't come if you keep on staying on the same position.

one does not see your effort, but the others does. it's sort of like a karma.

hmmm...not sure what am i gonna do next on her. after final wont be able to see her cause can't even have the opportunity to be with her in the same class...cause i got exemption from MPW subject..XD

huuh...i think im gonna revealed who she is...well not here of course...XD

like a pig

hai everyone...so long didn't drop off here 'cause i really have no idea on what to write..hmm....

well...was recently really really busy because study and test and assignment coming on my head. not really on to the pressure but surely enough i really have to put much effort on my study instead of facing my laptop all the time...hais...i am such a lazy pig...

coming monday have a quiz on physic, but unfortunately that our physic lecturer haven't finish the syllabus. what a crap...cause final exam is so near under my butt....almost cannot breath..hmmm...engineering maths and physic are my 1st priority to be concern because i really didn't score good enough marks...hopefully that with God speed that i am able to get a credit to continue to next semester...if i really need to resit the subject...i am so dead. one sebject to resit the test cost like hell!!!

HUUH..now talk about personal life...ya ya ya...all those my friends over here have been asking me who is the girl that i like, why have to keep so secretly to myself....well...the reason that i can only say that i have learnt my lesson form the past. Not to say that i don't trust anyone but i just really really wanna keep a low enough profile, so the the news won't spread to much until spread to her ears....i've learnt that girl don't like boys that is to fast( or so i guess), but somehow i also have loose my guts to make a confession...just wanna take it slow...

actually she very cute...nice, funny..that's makes a lot of competition for me to other guys. im not that good, not much of a facial looking..belly fats jumping above my abdominal...haha..she's even smarter than i am...everyone know her actually, well not that everyone, just a lot of guys know her. Swinburne have a lots of handsome guys and cute boys...i'm like a single peanut underneath thousand and thousand of green beans.. not to say that myself being a very negative thinking or a sarcastic person...but seriously, what i have?? dance?? crap..muscle?? under development..brain?? only one year mature than she is..hmmm

so, exam is coming, i don't want her emotion to screwed up because of me, and also don't want myself to get hurt before the exam comes....i still wanna concentrate....

i was actually planing or at least have a luck of my try to get the same class as she doesduring the summer semester school, but somehow things went way out of my thought. Due to the result that i had done during my interior diploma, i had summited those result to Swinburne(MPW subject) i thought that the school of my previous study, their syllabus should be a total different level...but somehow i got and exiting news that i got an exemption for the MPW subject from Swinburne. Shocking enough that i was jumping on my bed so excitingly that i had receive the news, but and the mind that i suddenly thought of her, boom........all hope's gone, just vanish to thin air............(not hope, plan)

surely enough i don't know what to do...plus i had book the ticket before i get my invoice..damn....what kinda day is it.....luck?? fate??? so s***.

well...what to do, i have seriously no idea about it. going back KK for 5 month surely enough will make me even more lazy..i miss my home at KK i miss my family, at the same time I'm bored of it. Don't like to face my mom always see me as some kind of a bug or something inside her mind. yes i know she's considering me a lot, but it's just to over. I'm a fully adult now, i can handle thing on my own. please...keeping me under your protection wont help me grow ma....

i've decided to stay here during the semester break, i'll get myself a part time job instead of having it back at KK..cause i sure know that i'll go out and party more compare to work. i wanna do something. i hate being lazy, it feels like my body gonna rot or something. anyone know how that feel???

i'll make my after the final exam...what ever is the answer will it be, i'll ask her to wait and then give the answer to me only after when i come back from KK during the 22nd night. or so that the plan is....huuh...i really don't wanna put so many hope on it.

p.s..for friends at kk, Im really sorry that i have to make a decision, but i really need to get myself working even harder then ever...i've wasted a year time...i need to catch up..party time for me is temporary over....sorry...

a second chance

Ever figure why some people do not want to gave you a second chance? Or have you even try to give those people demands on second chance.

Is it just that hard to forgive someone, 'to forgot, must be forgive, and to forgive, must be forgot' these verse here ain't so hard to understand right? why should we crumble ourselves with those hatred and always have an eye of do not want to see that person appear in front of me. Won't it be Tiring?? I've been both side, by now, this is how i felt.

The one that hate, it feels like every time that person appear on my screen or meet him/er always just want to ignore that person a lot, just hate him/er, want close him/er screen while him/er appear on my screen, even tough i am not busy at all but i just set my status to busy, just to avoid him, those hatred that store inside me, always want to explode and tell him/er to stop finding me for a while and him/eris very annoying. him/er is not even have anything to relate to me, i want some silence and him/er just appear on my hand phone again, asking me what are you doing. is just so annoying don't you know that??!! I don't want you to call me!! i don't like to sms me...what happen if i said that to him/er??

This is one that wanted to be forgiven, it feels really really sad if him/er is not to reply my message, where it is, MSN, FB, EMAIL, just what ever way that I'm trying to reach you. Everyday thinking of how to redeem myself, what had i done wrong, is very sad, going to emo every single day trying to figure what exactly and happen. should i ask what happen, but after asking, should i be forgive, or another friendship will just end like that. is just only trying to be as friend as we use to talk a lot and gossiping around what ever those topic that is related or not.

Wont it be lovely to see each other and say hi again like usual and seeing each other face with a great smile hanging on their mouth. One is very upset, and another is very angry. why don't just end it and be friends again together? If one had done something wrong that pis you off and make you very angry, should be that person be given a second chance to rise, if that person only done that mistake the first time over you??

Is really frustrated to be think about actually, is the second time that i had not be given a second chance to be friend with some friends..a person that you had know for sometimes, is not called an acquaintance, is called FRIEND.

From a stranger to friend is a good thing, but from a friend to a stranger, is really bad. What I'm trying to said that, those demand on second chance, they really really really need it most, or else they will have those negative feelings within them for a long period of time. It is true. Tell them that they are forgiven is not enough if you still keep on ignoring until that person realize what him/er had done wrong to you. While you( those who bares hate to those people you don't like anymore) will just end up forgot them, abandon them, don't call them, and finally, doesn't even know who is this person is. And having happy life without giving a notice who is that person..

Ever time i prayed hard, just to get back to where it was suppose to be. But still getting that ignorance. Is easy to see, is not my fault, I've done what i should that you ask me to i believe. should you do your part? You say you are not ignoring me, but ask yourselves from deep down, yes you still i believe...is very obvious. I don't really care much now, I'm living my life very happy without thinking you anymore. in fact, I'm starting to pity you what would had happen if things like that happen to you, in the way that had happen between with us. Try switching our place...hope you'll know what it's feel like..God by your side Amen.

haiyo....why it have to be like that....

hais...so damn lah, still always like thinking of you everyday...said your bz, so i don't disturb you, then when your status put available, still reply me short short...is that all that u can say to me after i confess to you...why just girls always give guys these kind of feeling of being ignored...damn lah

just say loh if u don't want to be my friend....never mind lo...then this friendship never exsist then but it's only for you, friend is everything for me..not sure you understand it or not..damn, he can go so near to you, why can't i do, it always give me this kind of envy feeling of that certain guy...always see u guys hang out together gives me a big damn...huuh...

u ain't treat me like that before this...can't you be more friendly? i mean, your mature enough to think, can't you act your age. by ginoring someone and saying that won't talk to me until i forget my love to you..huuh...ur an idiot, a sellfish idiot..

what the hell!!

huuh....(know the consequences of writing this blog, so face me if you feel offended, FACE TO FACE!!)

i need a rest...long rest

man....history always repeating itself over and over again. been there done that, altough is different scene different person involve, but the story will always be the same...'life is like a stage, everyone have their own stand'(william shakespear)..but notice that character change everytime, but the story keeps on repeating it's routine..

im really tired on being like this everytime...what so it is that i am emo, deep down in me that's who i am. but can or is there anyone that understand me? or why so i even doing this. k, all this have finally makes me very tired, scared, even losing my bravery to stand.

but, who to blame, the girl or me?? i have not done anything, do i?? does want to care for a person is bad?? isn't someone should recieve and give thanks to the person that gives the care? but somehow i always got the other way round. being ignore...what i hate the most....what so to do if you(can be nultiple) doesn't like me? am i that pist to you(am not angry by this point), why i've always been treated like that, can't we be just friend like usual and don't think about it? such weird that girls tends to did this to me all the time. what i've done actualy? is that im the one that is wrong??

try if this happen to you?? how will you feel then, bragging for your girlfriend then cry along each other and say i understand?? huuh...i really don't know what to write about this point.

i figure being down for that long time is not good, suddenly brust out from the flame like a new born, i go crazy and talk things like an idiot will do, chatting with old friend that is stupidly enough. running around like hyper, playing basketball much more furiously. but what next after such an adrenalin? an emptyness that is hard to fill back. like watching yourselves digging a hole that where you burried your tressure behind your backyard? deep enough to fill 20 mens, but is your backyard, you are gonna fill it back, right?

it's very cold you know? leaving it to be like that. the pain that exist, is hard to describe. crumbling, falling, fire, iced, sour, bitter. all those mix together...pain. fill with unpleasent of memories and exprience.

I'm really really tired this kind of feeling, i don't mind being rejected even from face to face, but just don't turn your back around and giving a horrible face..just don't keep on ignoring me...it's much more annoying than i am to annoy you.

huuh, never will give a guess that you will see and understand what am i saying. I'm sharing this because no matter who, should not treat someone cold. it's a lame story and i don't have much english skills to explain much detail, but trust me that i u want to that you wont regret after learning my mistake. you will know how this will feel if one day it hits you, it's really really cold and hurt.

shitting day!!!

damn what the fuck with today, to be exact is this few day!!! so damn shit man!!! fucking hell that stupid ass deconnexion with some bullshit conection, so shittingly pist!!! motherfucking asshole with pineapple!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

some stupid people jacking my line again until i cannot download my stuf!!!!! shit shit shit shit shit!!!! stupid swinwifi have those stupid proxy again!!!! so damn pist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!! can't calm down!!!! my freaking mind keep on thinking of someone again and s/he just pist me!!! so damn bull fucking chicken hole!!!!!!!!!!!1

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

feel my anger!!!!!!!!!

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huuh....T_T....help.....im suffering.. why can't i have a fluent day for once......:'(

hu hu...T_T

whao....thanks for my fans...i need it

o whao...didn't notice i still have some fans...well either good or bad coment that u guys gonna post, im really thank about that...

for real...im not those kinda of person that will make so much trust to others..i always make doubt's on how people tought about me, trying to know what are they think about me...so as i think of it, just better ignore on those feeling, and better keep myself stay happy and entertain people as much as i can.

well for as much as i know that sometimes make funny and cold jokes, i can't put a good joke if i'm saying in english..haha^^ anyway, i always try to make people have fun around me..i like it a lot, cause if i can't accomplish that, i'll satr to think of is that particular person, or those guys are thinking of i am very annoying...

i'm a person that need some attention sometime....okay is a lot...sorry. i do need some attention sometime, thats why i wrote this blog, well as to let people know who i am from here instead of saying out load.....ya im a freak...huuuh...i know that people opinion is different, some might thing is a good thing to express out, but most of them if after read, i believe is the other way round, please believe me cause is true. people that know me, or whoever that read this blog but doesn't know me much, they'll have a different eye aiming at me when they saw me the next time...well, just have to acept it, cause that human nature, you can't expect them to spend time ti understand who you are from the deep down and give compasion that you want, right?

well, what to say, that's the way God have created us, not all are perfect, infact, there's no one that is perfect enough then God. that's the way he work, that's what make this world so wonderful, don't you agree?? if all are perfect and no arguing on ideas, who's gonna improve our life. no competition, no improvement.

well...kinda boring week this week is. dunno what to do, just finish my test have a bad enough result...huuh, just have to study more these few weeks as phisic is coming on the 26. my GOD...

damn. im not sure on what is going with me, there's some mix feeling on me, but for real i had given up from the very first, i might be lying now as no one can see the truth. im not gonna say cause is a sin too me...maybe not now...wanna hint..(HERO)

people keep on saying, but the truth that i've change on what i want. able to guess?? i repeat, is not that im being unloyalty, but i had given up the first on the 1st place......understand what i mean?? im really sorry. i only want to have more warm. and i found it somewhere else.

can say and see the end result is bad and trust me, IT IS!!

well, all i can say that really sorry, but the fact that i had start to like you and it's been a while. you might have notice, but you still neglet it, or maybe, im not sure will u read or not my blog, but i make it official here, i do like you...

p.s im not ready to face the coment cause i know it's gonna be bad...but pls understand what do i feel before comenting. it does well in more explaning..i dun wanna coment who is she. i can only tell privately.